the g word
by a-isforalison
Summary: She's either homophobic or in love with her best friend (neither sounds great). / or: maya gets a girlfriend who isn't riley matthews and riley doesn't take it well. — rilaya (tw: cheating)


**A/N:** ffffffff what even is this idk? i'm not a fan of how i ended it but i was going for at least some realism so try to enjoy maybe?

* * *

Girlfriend. Maya Hart, Riley Matthew's Maya Hart, has a girlfriend.

"Oh."

She'd known, of course. Known that Maya liked girls. After Lucas Maya had come clean, crying and messy and breathy. She'd been so stiff when Riley wrapped her arms around her, whispering I love you's and I could never not love you's. Maya liking girls wasn't the problem. God, of course that wasn't a problem.

But ... girlfriend. Riley wasn't ready for Maya to have a girlfriend. (Why is it such a big deal?) (Maya is allowed to like girls and act on that.)

"She's a junior, we met at that football game you couldn't go to. She's into the broody artist thing—and girls. I really wanna introduce you guys," Maya grins, her eyes shiny and hopeful. Riley hates herself a little for not being happy that Maya looks so hopeful, so happy.

It's not that she doesn't want her best friend to be happy. Of course she wants her best friend to be happy. (Just not with a girlfriend.) (Or ... this girlfriend.)

"Yeah! Uh, I totally wanna meet her," she forces a smile. Maya is too happy to even know it's fake.

* * *

She realizes in English that this feeling, twisting and gnawing her stomach, must be how Karma felt when Amy got a girlfriend. (Not that she's bi like Karma clearly was.) (She only watches shows like Faking It to support Maya anyway.) (Maybe Karma was straight after all.) (Or maybe Riley just isn't straight.)

"Miss Matthews, are you sick?"

Oh, crap. She didn't realize her face had turned red or that she practically had her pencil in a choke hold.

Clearing her throat, nervous and even redder now, she shakes her head no. At least, if she is sick (maybe that's what the funny feeling in her stomach is), she's not sick enough to leave. She's supposed to eat lunch with Maya and Maya's girlfriend (what was her name again? Robin?) after chemistry. How will it look if she gets "sick" before that? Like she hates Maya for being gay? Like she hates Maya's girlfriend? Like ... Like she's gay? (She's not.)

(At least she thinks she's not.)

Besides, a stomach ache (it must be) isn't a good enough reason for Topanga to come pick her up. Her parents are both busy people, she can't expect them to come sweep her away from this terrible nightmare (not that Maya liking girls is bad) (it's not) (it's really good actually) because her stomach got a little upset. She's a big girl now. A sophomore. She can handle an upset stomach.

But maybe she can't handle lunch with Maya's girlfriend.

(It's not like she wants to be Maya's girlfriend or anything.)

Still, she fumbles to put her notebook and pencil case back into her backpack after realizing the bell rang. Even if she's a little upset that Maya might be replacing her with this ... this girlfriend character (that sounds ridiculous, she knows, but maybe ...), she has to go to chemistry. And then to lunch.

Maybe she just needs to meet this girlfriend to validate that she's good enough for Maya. Riley's peaches deserves the best and she's probably justunsettled (not upset) that she doesn't know if Maya's girlfriend is the best or not. Of course, that's it! She's not jealous (or gay), she's just protective.

Riley can't believe she got herself so worked over nothing.

She can, however, believe that that was the sound of the late bell and she's barely halfway to class. "Crap." She runs the rest of the way, the back of her head lingering on what Maya will think if she smells like sweat and B.O. at lunch.

* * *

Robbyn (with two B's and a Y, as she smiles and tells Riley) is ... well, Riley can't find the words. Brunette, curly long hair, big brown eyes, and the pinkest wardrobe Riley's seen since Missy Bradford—she'd never have guessed someone like Robbyn would be Maya's type. Not until hearing how sugar coated Robbyn's tongue was and seeing the way they held hands at least.

(And, no, she's not jealous about the hand holding.) (Even though Maya's hands are supposed to be reserved for her to hold.)

Whether or not Robbyn was the best like Maya deserved ... Riley really can't tell. She can't find anything actually wrong with Robbyn (she's long since forgiven and befriended Missy Bradford so even that aspect isn't necessarily bad) but she just doesn't like her.

Her stomach hurts even more after meeting Robbyn, it's aching and burning and sick. There's no reason for her to cringe every time Maya looks at Robbyn like she's wow or whoa and every time thumbs rub the backs of hands and every time they scoot closer together and yet, she does. She wants to stop. It's fine that Maya likes girls (it's great, really) and it's fine that Maya wants to date girls, she's not homophobic (she thinks)!

She shouldn't be upset by this at all!

(Wasn't she upset about Lucas too?) (But that's different, she liked Lucas too!) (Maybe she likes Maya.)

"Um, peaches, is it okay if I go buy a lunch real quick? I'm not liking this sandwich," she mutters, trying to ignore the pressing feeling in her stomach.

Maya smiles, oblivious, "yeah, sure, Riles."

Riley is almost out of ear shot when Robbyn says it.

"Is she homophobic or like ... in love with you, because she's acting like it, babe."

In love. With Maya. Her. (It makes sense.) She thinks she might be sick after all.

* * *

The brunette bolts once the last bell rings, not waiting for Maya or Lucas or Farkle or Zay or Smackle or anyone today. She doesn't know what to do with herself at all, let alone how to talk to any of them (especially Maya). Her last two classes were spent staring blankly ahead, hands dropped to her side, what Robbyn said echoing around her head.

She's in love with Maya.

She's in love with Maya Hart. Her best friend, Maya Hart. Her peaches, Maya Hart. Her Maya Penelope Hart.

Of freaking course she is. Damn it, she really is the Karma to Maya's Amy. (Does that mean maybe Maya loves her too?) (If she did, would she have a girlfriend who isn't Riley Matthews?) (Maybe Robbyn is Maya's Reagan.)

God. Who figured it out? Robbyn can't have been the only one. Does Lucas know? Is that the real reason nothing ever worked with them? Does Smackle know? Farkle? Zay? Missy? Her parents? Auggie? ("They're gonna marry each other!" well ... probably Auggie.)

What's she supposed to do with this? Run up to Maya, happy and smiling and staring like she's the world (which she is) and make some big, romantic declaration of her love like this is a cheesy romcom? Is she supposed to just ruin Maya's relationship because she finally realized she's in love with Maya?

That's selfish. She can't just ruin Maya's happiness because she finally realized. That's not fair to Maya. If anyone deserves to be happy, Riley thinks it's her best friend. She won't ruin that. She'll just have to suck it up and pretend it's not true. If she says it enough times, the pain in her stomach will probably go away.

"Riles?"

Oh, crap. Of course Maya would come find her. It is their bay window and they are best friends, after all.

"... Yeah?" She hopes that sounded less scared and confused and hurt than she feels right now. Making Maya feel guilty isn't going to help her make sure her best friend is happy.

The blonde falls perfectly in place (too close for Riley now that she knows, maybe, but it feels natural and right) next to her. "Can we talk?" There's no way around it now. Riley nods, pulling her knees up to her chest. "... Honey ... do you ... do you like me? Like that?"

"... I don't wanna ruin you and Robbyn's girlfriend ... ship ... thingy," she mumbles, lips pressed against her legs.

When Maya doesn't immediately declare that she dumped Robbyn and wants Riley and Riley and nothing but Riley, Riley kind of wants to cry. (More than she already did, at least.) The guilt that comes with that makes her actually cry.

"Hey ... it's okay ... I—I like you like that too. Okay? Riles, I've ... I've had ... really strong feelings for you since ... like forever. I just. I'm trying to move on from them. And Robbyn makes me happy and when we kiss I don't remember that I love you—that, shit, that's not helpful," Maya curses under her breath again, her hand rubbing Riley's back, "look. I love you. Like that and as best friends. And I'm so, so incredibly happy to know you feel like that about me too ... I just ... I can't do this to Robbyn. It's not fair. Maybe ... maybe if one day we're both ..."

"You can stop," Riley breathes out, "please just stop ... I get it. You wanna be with her ... it's okay. Go be with your girlfriend."

Maya doesn't say anything. She doesn't leave either. She doesn't anything.

(Nice going, Riley, you ruined everything.)

It's tentative, scared and soft and worried and heartbroken, but it happens. Maya presses her lips to Riley's. Riley is sure her mouth is wet from tears, maybe some snot too (God, she hopes not, that's disgusting) but Maya still moves her lips slowly against Riley's. It tastes like ... like kiwi mango and tears. It's not a fairy tale kiss like her first kiss with Lucas was, it's slow and soft and scared and wet. It's not perfect and if it was with anyone else in the world, Riley would hate it.

But it's not with just someone, it's with Maya.

That makes it better, that makes it special. Maya Maya Maya Maya. Her Maya. (She'll never let Robbyn have her Maya.)

Maya pulls back, eyes still shut tight. She doesn't say anything, just licks the tears off her lips and stays there, leaving their foreheads touching. Riley closes the gap again, scared the whole world might collapse if she doesn't.

It isn't fierce and passionate and consuming like in the movies. It's needy and desperate and she can still taste her tears in it, the signs of heartbreak. She hates how sorrowful it is. Maya's always ranting to her in long, drawn out breaths about how girls who like girls should get to be happy and alive and not shot by some white boys. Shouldn't they get to be happy right now?

(Yes.)

When Maya pulls back (again), Riley does too.

"I ... that was just ... I love you. I do. But for now that's all we can have, Riles ..."

It's more heartbreaking that way, Riley thinks, to have hope and to know what your hope is for. Still, Maya doesn't run back to Robbyn. She spends the night holding Riley, arms wrapped around her like she can't ever let go. It's all they can have but Riley thinks it's enough.

Robbyn will never have Maya like Riley does, she's sure of that. Even if all they can be is friends who love too much for now.

(Eventually.)

* * *

reviews are encouraged!


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